the tooth fairy man, scrambled guilt, and false advertising…
What a weekend. the Highs and Lows of the life of Brat…
On Friday night, I did a dry run of my costume. I donned the Tooth Fairy duds and headed to the bar. Other than the two cute house painters there, I was the only one in costume. Walking into a bar with wings was an experience I’ve been dreaming about. Oh yeah, let me share my costume…
Picture this.
Sneakers, white tights, white tutu, White Fairy Wings, White T-Shirt with a big ol smiling Tooth, a big assed, super rusted pair of pliers and a cigarette.
I was a pissed off tooth fairy. and I had a blast.
Saturday night, I donned the same costume for a Black Tie Fundraiser for the Howard Brown Health Center, Chicago’s LGBT health clinic. I have been volunteering for this fundraiser for about 5 weeks trying to get items donated for the silent auction. On the night of the event, I arrived at the event about an hour early and quietly changed into my costume. Peels of laughter were heard as I stepped from the handicapped (private) restroom.
Throughout the evening, I was thrown smiles and laughs from adoring, and shocked spectators. One of the items on display was a Bright Red Vespa, that many times had a smiling and waving tooth fairy sitting on it shouting “chow”, “chow”.
The night was a blast. I even met a handsome prince with the most stunning, sparkle in his smiling eyes. We flirted shamelessly throughout the evening, and even blatantly once I had changed back into my normal clothes. I wrote his name on my hand, and gave me his number to go with it. I hope he calls.
Sunday morning, bright and early, I jumped into the car to meet my parents for breakfast. They were driving though on their way home from visiting my brother. The only reason we were having breakfast was because my lovely roommate called them on how mean it was to pass thru Chicago and never contact me.
rewind
Thursday I called him to check on my brother with ass-cancer and he told me that Mary and Gene were on their way to Madison to visit my oldest brother. I was floored, hurt, and extremely angry. I shared this with my roommate who immediately called my sister-in-law (its a very tangled web of relationships) and informed her. My parents knew they were busted and proceeded to call me constantly throughout the weekend.
Finally, in an attempt to stop my phone from ringing and get a little nap, I answered and agreed to meet them for breakfast on their way back home. They told me that they had planned this all along and that they were looking forward to seeing me. I knew it was a guilt response cause they would have contacted me to tell me if they had truly planned to see me. This was just another in a long series of similar events throughout my adult life.
So that explains the scrambled guilt part of the post.
Sunday night I went to the Halloween parade in boystown, but was a little sidetracked by this handsome beefy man in leather. The looks, approach and demeanor of this man told me one thing, but once we arrived at his flat a few blocks away, I quickly realized my error and again, thanks to my cat-like reflexes, I was saved from yet another black eye as his legs shot towards the ceiling. False advertising indeed. I’m calling shenanigans! “shenanigans!”
Now its back to work… Oh yeah, and I met my numbers last month.
October 28, 2004
Halloween Costume Ideas for Children
Littlest Prisoner at Abu Ghraib 
The Your child will be the hit of the neighborhood costume parade in this recreation of the Abu Ghraib prisoner-abuse scandal’s most indelible image. As an added bonus this easy-to-make costume will remind everyone on your child’s trick-or-treat route of our national shame! Simply roll a cone from a sheet of 24″x38″ black cardstock, making sure to cut out a hole for the face. Drape with two yards of black felt, and add leftover wires from your last lamp-rewiring project. VoilÀ! So easy, so quick, and so terrifying!
See this and more cheap and scary costumes at www.thestranger.com
I put this question to you, my loyal reader(s)…
I’ve got an interesting question to put to you dear reader(s). This morning, I received an e-mail from an annonymouse woman in NYC with a invitation to trade blog links. Since this is my first invitation of this sort, and since ultimately YOU read my blog, I wanted to get some input from you.
Here’s the letter:
Hi,
I recently came across your blog Beyond Buffalo, and I think its fabulous! That letter from the Christian Conservative was aawesome. Maybe once Bush gets booted he’ll get subpeoned to answer those questions.
My blog has a bunch of regular visitors and I think that some of them would enjoy your blog. What would you think about doing a link exchange? If you’d like to, here is my link A New York Escorts Confessions. Please let me know what you think.
xoxo,
Alexa
I’m going to sit down and read a book and wait for your responses.
I hope you all say YES, cause I’m rather envious of her career choice and can’t wait to expand my knowledge of NYC. Plus, she’s a great little writer.
October 27, 2004
porn has killed me…
I was going to take a few days break from writing, but stumbled upon a very interesting thought as I was looking at porn on the local gay hook up site last night.
Porn has ruined me.
I spend an inordinate amount of time thru-out my days and evenings looking at finely sculpted male bodies, some covered with hair, others shaved smooth. The main purpose of these sites being to advertise oneself to others with the intent of actually having a face-to-face encounter and doing what normal, healthy gay men do when they get together. Have sex.
But for me its something else entirely. I enjoy the male form to such an extent that I do not want my perception (read “fantasy”) of the person behind the thickly muscled bodies to have a real personality and therefore the very thought of meeting that person is out of the question. I would rather spend hours just looking from a distance, safe in my little world, from having yet another fantasy man ruined when he opens his mouth and a finely sequined silk clutch tumbles forth or he walks up to me with such a swish to his hips that I fear weather patterns will be affected worldwide.
There was a man I once worshiped from a distance when I lived in San Francisco. I nicknamed him “God” because for all intensive purposes, to me, he was the ideal. He was tall (almost reaching my height), dark featured and muscular. He was Hispanic and wore his clothes so tight that there was no need to see him naked to know that he was not only exquisitely muscled, but, ahem, also very appealing in the stallion department. I refused to approach or meet this person, and on several occasions when our paths were inextricably crossed, I found a way to avoid the meeting. This went on for about 6 years until I found myself face-to-face with “God” holding out his beefy hand to introduce himself to me.
“Hi, my name is David” he said while pumping my hand. His voice deep and thick with masculinity.
I think I squealed with excitement that for once, my fantasy expectations were not let down when we met in person. In my excitement, I’m sure that I, however, confirmed his fears.
Meet you in person?
No thank you, I’d rather not risk it again. I’ll stay home with my internet porn and peruse the pictures, establishing personalities and life stories (involving golden retrievers and cabins on pristine country lakes) that suit my needs.
October 26, 2004
thinking…
I’m taking a break from writing for a day or so. I can’t write and think about my life at the same time. But do not worry, I will return to write more about my journey Beyond Buffalo when I remember why I started this blog in the first place… so in my absence read some thought provoking questions…
a letter from a pissed off Christian Conservative Republican to our President…
: Demand Letter Sent To
: Bush By Corp CEO
: From Karl W. B. Schwarz
:
: President, Chief Executive Officer
:
: Patmos Nanotechnologies, LLC
: 10-13-4
:
: By Email, By Facsimile to White House
:
: Mr. President,
:
: I am a Conservative Christian Republican that has no intentions of voting for you in this year’s election and many other Conservative Republicans are following me.
:
: America demands the TRUTH and not after the elections; this nation demands the truth from you RIGHT NOW! This letter and an identical email will be going out to hundreds of thousands by me, millions by others. The following content was sent to the White House by facsimile earlier today from Ground Zero in New York City.
:
: 1. I demand as an American citizen that you lift the “gag order” on Sibel D. Edmonds and let Americans know what foreign names and what AMERICAN NAMES she uncovered in her FBI translations that were involved in drug trafficking, money laundering and the financing of 9-11. Her facts and your “official story” lies do not add up. Americans demand the truth on that matter before the election.
:
: 2. I demand to know what energy companies were in that Cheney Energy Task Force meeting and what discussions there were as to the steps that would be taken to remove the Taliban and Bridas Corporation as the last remaining obstacle to the United States controlling the Trans-Afghanistan Pipeline. I met that company in 1999 and have known since then about the Bridas v Unocal, $15 billion interference of contract lawsuit in US District Court, Southern District of Texas. I also know about the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals decision on September 9, 2003 that upheld the Bridas $500 million arbitration settlement and the March 22, 2004 denial of Writ of Certiorari at the United States Supreme Court, Case 03-1018, Turkmenneft v Bridas.
:
: 3. I demand to know how many prisoners are being held at GITMO and other places that are either BRIDAS EMPLOYEES or are persons that know all about Bridas Corporation and what your administration did to get control of that Trans-Afghanistan pipeline.
:
: 4. I demand to know how many board meetings Condoleezza Rice and Thomas Kean sat in on at Chevron and Amerada Hess where it was discussed how they were going to deal with making the billions in “Big Oil” investments into a land locked Caspian Basin and how to get rid of the Taliban and Bridas so they could turn those investments into cash flow. How many times did Big Oil ask for military force to complete a commercial transaction they could not get under their control, and on what exact date did you agree to provide such military force - prior to 9-11? Isn’t it true Mr. Bush that the Cheney Energy Task Force discussed that attack on Afghanistan and removal of the Taliban / Bridas obstacle once and for all - and did so well in advance of 9-11?
:
: 5. I demand to know why you appointed 10 persons to the 9-11 Commission, 8 of which are directly benefiting by the Taliban / Bridas “contract” obstacle being removed - breached with military force, and the big Caspian Oil deals that are now coming to market. No, America does not ‘thank you’ for that nor do we hold such despicable conduct up high.
:
: 6. I demand to know what US Oil Company stepped up as the sponsor of that OPIC and Asia Development Bank funded Trans-Afghanistan pipeline and what US company is constructing that pipeline right now, and what US firms are supplying the key components and their relationship to your administration.
:
: 7. I demand that you identify the company and persons who were going around Bridas to be “natural gas suppliers” to the US owned natural gas electrical generation plants in Pakistan (Dynegy - Illinova /Tenaska, El Paso (2 OPIC financed transactions) and others.
:
: 8. I demand to know why you have not been truthful with the American public that your GWOT and military policy are protecting the Caspian Basin Oil and Gas deals for many of your Bush Pioneers, some $9.6 trillion in oil and about $3 trillion in natural gas, now mostly in the hands of your elite wealthy contributors and some elite Liberals to keep this all quiet.
:
: 9. I demand to know what role the post-bankruptcy ENRON (Prisma Energy International, Cayman Islands) is playing in the Caspian Basin area, the same Enron that uses the law firm of Mayer Brown Rowe & Maw [Richard Ben Veniste, 9-11 Commission] that established the offshore SPE’s for assets that were never under the jurisdiction of the U.S. Bankruptcy Court.
:
: 10. I demand to know why you appointed Richard Ben Veniste to the 9-11 Commission when it was his law firm that was stalling Bridas Corporation at the Fifth Circuit US Court of Appeals in the matter of Bridas Corporation v. Turkmenneft and his law firm is directly involved in Pakistan, Turkmenistan, Kazakhstan and Uzbekistan and your administration.
:
: 11. I demand to know the exact date of the order that had our military practicing in early 2001 the invasion of Afghanistan to take out the Taliban and Bridas Corporation and make that pipeline under control of US interests, many of your Bush Pioneers, and the exact date that our military started practicing and preparing for that invasion.
:
: 12. I demand to know who Remington Holdings Ltd is, and Western Acquisitions, Inc, both Baker & Botts clients and the lucky recipients of OPIC financing to acquire oil and gas deposits in Pakistan.
:
: Who are the parties involved in those entities by name and benefited from such governmental magnanimity? Is this transaction a payoff? Since American taxpayers are footing the bill, we have the right to know - right now.
:
: 13. I demand to know why you could not find 10 people to sit on the 9-11 Commission that are not directly benefiting from the actions you have taken and the lives you have cost or otherwise ruined. Why would you select people not motivated to find the truth for that would impact “their bottom line”?
:
: 14. I demand a full disclosure from your administration as to the Citibank / IFTRIC / OPIC / Export-Import Bank financing of American / Israeli based deals in Islamic nations on behalf of your major campaign contributors.
:
: “IFTRIC and Citibank have an agreement allowing Citibank to finance approved IFTRIC-backed transactions. Citibank Israel CEO Nandan Mar said: ‘The Citibank branch, and the Structured Trade Finance Group, view IFTRIC’s program as a basic product for the bank’s domestic activities.’”
:
: I see distinct differences between “terrorism” and “outrage” (Shurtan II) at your policies.
:
: 15. I demand to know why you wanted an entire new division of the CIA for Argentina. As an American citizen I take umbrage to your belligerence towards a nation that is not an enemy of the United States by any stretch of the imagination, except possibly yours. It is abundantly clear that your intentions were solely to intimidate Argentina and Argentina based Bridas Corporation into silence and that is NOT AMERICA. That has every appearance of the United States acting as the terrorist and a state sponsor of terrorism. Yes, you are wrapped in a flag but I clearly see that it is not the one you purport it to be.
:
: 16. I demand to know why your administration has never disclosed that DynPort Vaccine, LLC, owned by DynCorp and now owned by Computer Sciences Corporation, a Bush Pioneer, is a possible source for where the weaponized Ames Strain of anthrax came from that was used against this nation. How did your administration manage to miss one of your campaign contributors and a company doing large volumes of business with your administration and even being known euphemistically (DynCorp) as The Mercenary Company? Who put that Contract on America?
:
: 17. I demand to know how you can claim a pretense of being a Christian while sponsoring and condoning the torture of prisoners, including sodomizing children, at Abu Ghraib prison.
:
: 18. I demand to know how your administration can send firms overseas as “representatives of this nation” that were convicted of running a flesh trade in little girls in Bosnia, specifically one DynCorp. Convicted in Texas and the United Kingdom according to reports I have seen and apparently detested in Afghanistan. You do recall that DynCorp is the company providing security to protect your puppet Karzai in Afghanistan and your other puppet Zalmay Khalilzad is deterring anyone from running for President in that bogus “free” democracy?
:
: 19. I demand to know why your administration keeps running the name and photos of Adnan G. El Shukrijumah as the “dirty bomb boogeyman” and on March 25, 2003 the FBI knew exactly where to find him and did not go after him. That telephone call was made from my telephone by a Canadian friend that was in Little Rock on that date, Mr. Bush, so do not pretend “national security” with me.
:
: I am “first person” on this matter and all of America deserves to know the extent that your administration has been and is lying to us all - and someone that is not Al Qaeda is probably “dropping a suspect name” as they set up a dirty bomb attack. Sure have pushed up the oil and gas prices with your strategy though, guess we can consider that another “Mission Accomplished”.
:
: 20. I demand to know why your administration keeps referring to Adnan G. El Shukrijumah as a “Saudi” when the FBI knows full well he is not Saudi. His family is from Guyana in South America and they have lived in Florida since 1986 without incident. His grandparents were from Yemen, moved long ago to South America and his mother is from Trinidad & Tobago.
:
: 21. I demand to know why you alerted India, Pakistan and “Axis of Evil” member Iran of your intentions to attack the Taliban / Bridas well before 9-11, and not notify the citizens of this nation. That matter was reported on June 26, 2001 in India newspapers.
:
: 22. I demand to know the exact date that the first meeting, first page of the Patriot Act was started by your administration.
:
: 23. I demand to know why it is you, your backers, certain Democrats that apparently “hate our freedoms” more than these purported GWOT Islamic fundamentalists, hence the Patriot Act that treats all Americans with the same degree of contempt and disdain you treat all non-wealthy Americans.
:
: 24. I demand to know why Homeland Security is protecting this government and not protecting this nation.
:
: 25. I demand to know why any dissent or objections to your Orwellian, imperialistic, pro-corporate agenda is referred to the Homeland Security Counter-Terrorism Division.
:
: 26. I demand to know why you defile everything you touch and try to twist it into something that is pro-Bush Backers and anti-American citizens and then try to alter our rights as Americans via Patriot Act measures that are designed to force America into submission and does nothing to protect this nation, only this government.
:
: 27. I demand to know why your administration is planning a “pro-Bush Pioneers pharmaceutical program” derived from TMAP (Texas Medical Algorithm Project) and PENNMAP (Tom Ridge, Pennsylvania) to have Americans tested under guidelines prepared by your Bush Pioneers and force psychotropic drugs on Americans.
:
: 28. I demand to know why your administration keeps injecting our troops with an anthrax vaccine known to be deadly and harmful to the health of our soldiers and now apparently wish to inject that into all Americans under Project BioShield and martial law. Is that why you have no concern whatsoever for the 3 million jobs lost, for between your TMAP lunacy and Project BioShield lunacy, well over 3 million Americans could perish if the same statistical rates hit the general population as has hit our military? Can you explain away Holocaust with “brilliant strategy policy” driven by unmitigated greed?
:
: 29. I demand to know why Li Ka-shing was denied Global Crossing on national security grounds (very public) yet allow him in the back door in Savi Technology (not disclosed), the RFID technology company that is purportedly protecting our ports from insertion of a nuclear bomb into this nation via “ocean going containers”. How many doors are left wide open by your administration in this GWOT Fable?
:
: 30. I demand to know why you search the world for mythical terrorists and cannot find robber barons and financial terrorist right under your nose. That many of them are Bush Pioneers and even backers of the Democratic Party, and have plundered the investors, workers and citizens of this nation, is very apparent to Americans and not very pro-family on your part.
:
: Christians do not lie, Mr. Bush, for that is an affront to God. A Christian would not willfully mislead this nation, nor send our troops into Harm’s Way for a lie while your wealthy contributors take over a $9.6 trillion oil, $3.0 trillion natural gas deal and already maneuvering for Africa. You are proving to the world that you are terrified of the truth and have impeded every investigation into the truth.
:
: Your actions prove that you are not an upstanding Christian, nor are you a Conservative Republican worthy of that designation.
:
: Your position as President does not make you unaccountable to the citizens of this nation, nor does it entitle you to act as a tyrant, an emperor, or serving only those Americans that dole out money for your political ambitions and agendas. I see no “stewardship” in your conduct whatsoever.
:
: You have “Mission Accomplished” three times - the removal of Taliban / Bridas to control that pipeline, radically escalated the price of oil and gas for some of your major backers, and the death and maiming of many due to your lies. Your “Iraq Strategery” makes perfect sense to me, since all of you needed a diversion away from Afghanistan, the Caspian Basin and what you did to Bridas Corporation to get control of that $9.6 trillion in oil, $3 trillion in natural gas.
:
: Go back home and wrap yourself in the flag of Texas and the shame you alone are responsible for creating. Your resume is your doing and yours alone.
:
: If you were running against me this year, you would not have the guts to stay on the stage in a debate with me.
:
: Shame on all of you, both sides of the aisle that have lied to America and gotten so many killed and maimed for a lie, and no, I am not an antiwar person. Just adamantly opposed to what you stand for, for that is lower than Clinton on his worst day.
:
: Sincerely,
:
: Karl W. B. Schwarz
: President, Chief Executive Officer
: Patmos Nanotechnologies, LLC
October 21, 2004
trying out a new vice
i’ve been needing a new vice since I’ve given up drugs and cut back considerably on my drinking. I once tried to start smoking several years back during a visit to Long Beach’s Gay Pride event. The little brown one was dating a smoker who promised to teach me how to smoke and not look too gay.
He bought a pack of Camel unfiltered cigarette and set out to teach me how to inhale along with many variations of holding the cigarette to look street tough. It took me close to a day and half before I could inhale the burning mixture of tobacco, chemicals and air without hacking like an amateur, but I got pretty good at it and soon looked forward to the heady rush of nicotine that would briefly follow a drag, while absent-mindedly picking the errant tobacco pieces from my lips. The nicotine rush lasted longer than I expected, so I got very little sleep that weekend which I quickly realized would be a problem since I cherished my sleep more than this new chosen vice.
I went to the local Walgreens, bought a box of nicotine replacement patches and started my withdrawal from a weekend of heavy smoking. Two weeks later, I’d be itching for another vice and would return, reluctantly to alcohol and sex.
Last night, The Jew and I went to Costco, and the itch for a new vice returned. I spent a good amount of time in the liquor aisle considering seriously my options between Gin, Vodka, or perhaps expanding my repertoire to include the “brown drinks” like Scotch or Whiskey. I spent even more time going thru the wine bins choosing bottles of hearty red wines, until it hit me that this would not be a new vice. I’ve been drinking wine and liquor since Highschool. No I would need something new.
A little while later, while reaching for a case of Diet Coke, I noticed a pallet of Starbuck’s Mocha Frappachino in the next bin. I briefly pondered the idea of coffee drinks as my new vice since it made good sense. I enjoy spending many hours in coffee shops and bookstores, and it was rather awkward to only order tea at these venues. But truth be told, my last experience with coffee was not pleasant.
While preparing for my first international business trip to Hong Kong, my then boss, sat me down to teach me how to conduct business in a foreign country. “Always take what is offered or it is rude and considered a slight against your host” she admonished. Being raised in the household and manner that I was, this advice terrified me. I swore to myself that I would never turn down anything offered and the business trip would be a huge success and I would be welcomed into the fold of the office in Hong Kong and soon they would send requests for my return. “Send that nice young boy that was so courteous” I would imagine the telephone conversation sounding.
Fast forward two weeks to my arrival in Hong Kong. I arrived on a Friday evening and was met at the airport by my counterpart and several of his colleagues from the office. He had the weekend planned for me and it would start immediately. He would take me to the hotel to check in and freshen up, then we would have dinner and following dinner would be drinks. He asked if there was anything I’d wanted to do during my stay and I mentioned that I’d like to get a suit and some shirts tailored for me. I’ll get into that in a future post.
After settling into the hotel, we went to a very pricey Sushi restaurant, where even more of his office colleagues met us for dinner. He set about telling me his plans for the weekend when I interrupted him and asked if he had a family and wouldn’t his wife would be upset that he was spending all this time with me. It turns out that he did have a wife and a small baby at home, so I asked him to please spend the time with his family and that I’d be fine in Hong Kong on my own. I like to wander around foreign lands alone anyway.
On Monday morning, he collected me from the hotel to visit the office and start my week. Enroute he asked if I’d had breakfast. I replied “no, I’m not a big…” trailing off in thought, remembering my boss’ words. I said I was starving and would love to grab some food. We stopped at a cafe across from the office where he was a regular customer and he ordered me up a cup of this drink called Yuanyang found only in Hong Kong. Again, hearing my boss’ words, I quickly set to drinking it. After about half the cup, I was wired. I could feel a level of energy similar to when I abused speed years before, which frightened me and prevented me from finishing the strong brew.
The day proceeded with meetings and introductions where I met the entire staff in Hong Kong at all four offices. By the end of the day, I was still wired. They took me back to the hotel to change for dinner and during the trip, my host leaned over quietly and asked “You don’t drink coffee do you?”
“No” I replied still twitching from the morning brew.
“Then why did you drink it?” he asked.
“I didn’t want to insult you” came my embarrassed reply.
Once he stopped laughing, he informed me that if I didn’t want something I didn’t have to take it and that my boss was incorrect in her beliefs about doing business in Hong Kong. (I’m sorry CD, but that’s what he said.)
Standing in Costco remembering this story made up my mind. I reached for the case of Starbuck’s prepackaged Mocha Frappachino.
October 19, 2004
shhhhhh, i’m wearing man-panties
tonight I’m going to share something intimate with you. Very intimate indeed. I’m talking about my newest fetish, underwear. My entire life, I’ve worn nothing but normal Fruit of the Loom, or Haines, but recently the little brown one introduced me to the joys of shhhhh, man-panties(tm).
Over the long Memorial Day weekend, the little brown one visited Chicago to attend the world famous International Mister Leather convention. We rented a room at the host hotel and proceeded to have a very interesting and fun-filled weekend that broke down many of the few remaining boundaries we shared with each other, one of which was his admiration of underwear . He recently purchased a pair of 2xist thong styled underwear and proceeded to extol the virtues of these shhhhhhh, man-panties(tm) the entire weekend. They lifted, they supported, they gave a bigger basket.
I was intrigued. Bigger basket you say? As a gay man, this can be quite a selling point. I decided to give them a try and went out and purchased a pair of pouch-enhancing black tight little shhhhh, man-panties(tm). They not only lived up to his hype, they were comfortable. As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been very loyal to my Haines boxer-briefs up until this moment and the thought of making a change was down-right frightening.
Could I do it? Could I be the type of man that wore fashion underwear? Could I be the type of man that walked around with skimpy little thongs under my suit?
As it turns out. Yes, I can! In the months following Memorial Day Weekend, I’ve purchased a wide variety of fashionable underwear in a full spectrum of colors. 2xist, Polo, Jockey and Calvin Klein now fill my drawers’ drawer with a rainbow of colors and styles and I’m ok with it.
This may not seem like much to you, my gentle reader, but for a boy from the backwoods of New York State, the act of wearing anything other than tighty whiteys is a monumental achievement.