I’m sharing an embarrassing moment, so please be gentle with your remarks. Recently, during a momentary weakness, I met a man on the internet for sex. Ok, so it wasn’t a momentary weakness but a normal behavioral pattern, only this time, I met him in person.

Arriving at his highrise condominium building, I gave his name and apartment number to the guard and was quickly given approval and directions towards the elevators. The ride up, took forever , but I was soon greeted in the hallway by a handsome, yet older gentleman. (Obviously, his picture was slightly dated, by, OH about a decade).

He invited me into his apartment and ordered me to strip. (Yes, I said ordered) I like it on the rough side for those of you new to me. Things proceeded along at a friendly, well, you know, kind pace until I was on my knees in front of him.

He sat back on the couch and lit up a cigar. I leaned into him and rested my head on his chest to snuggle into his chest hairs while he enjoyed his moment with his cigar. It was at this point that I noticed a faint little sound. Was that a clock ticking? I got even more quiet and listened carefully, because how often, in this modern age, does one hear a clock ticking. It wasn’t a clock, it sounded more like a metronome. Upon realizing this, I quickly search the surrounding area for a piano or musical instrument. None to be seen.

It was at this point that I realized the ticking was emanating from within his chest. I pressed my ear closer to his flesh and sure enough there it was. The gentle, slightly metallic click, click, click of a metronome. I was lost in thought. How far have I slid? What would my friends say when I shared this (As I invariably would)? What if he dies while we’re, ahem, in action? How would I explain the ropes to the cops? Who would find me?

All these thoughts went thru my head in the blink of an eye as I lifted my head from his chest. It was only now, that I noticed the long jagged scar running the length of his torso, hidden quietly in the ample hairs of his chest.

Wow! A new experience. I’ve never been with a man who’s had heart surgery! I’m ALL for new experiences and I’m glad I relaxed and let it happen. He was fun and knew his way around the male anatomy.

But still… What if it really was Captain Hook?