I’ll continue to add to and amend the following list, but for today, I resolve to make a change in my life (as everyone does on the first of the year for some stupid reason). I’ll cross them off as I achieve them.
I resolve to:
Enlarge my circle of friends to become more culturally and racially diverse, then taunt them with racial slurs.
Make out with a hot man in an alleyway (near a dumpster) as the New Year rings in.
Make out in a cloakroom at a wedding while the ceremony is in progress.
Convince a closed minded, religious mother that her son will grow up gay.
Buy a Hugo Boss Suit.
Find a Benefactor.
Pay for Hugo Boss suit.
Find a Muse. (I may have someone interviewing for this position and it looks good)
Start a 401(k).
Write a will requiring my loved ones to do crazy things before inheriting my fortune.
Sun soaked vacation in Phuket, Thailand Belize.
Stalk a washed up child-actor type celebrity. (Maybe that gay one from ‘Who’s the Boss?’)
Write the world’s funniest and most profitable book and make millions.
Alienate family and friends once wealthy.
Blow fortune on gambling and male whores.
Reunite with family and friends once fortune is gone.
Get my shoe obsession in control.
Increase my tens of blog fans to hundreds of blog fans. (Dare I wish for thousands?)
Meet my quota at work.
Eat healthy.
Shop for a religion that allows me to do whatever I want with no consequences.
Pay off debt to society. (Make sure to get receipt for taxes)
As I said, this is just a rough outline of my aspirations for 2005. Check back often for updates to see how I progress and what I accomplish. It looks like a busy year.
