Oprah lied to me.

I was sitting here at my computer last weekend pondering the question “who am I?” when I stumbled on a solution.

I’ll ask Oprah. She knows all that emotional mumbo-jumbo and well, if she doesn’t, I can rely on her staff of experts paraded across my television/computer screen. I visited her web-site and typed in the words “who am I really? and was provided with the answer in the form of a specially written page telling me exactly who I am.

Quick, finish this sentence: “I am a ________.”

What popped into your mind? Did you immediately think of your job title? Did you identify yourself with a relationship term, like wife, daughter, or Elvis fan? Maybe you described your body (”I am a svelte size 10″), your personality (”I am an optimist”), or your favorite hobby (”I am a heavy drinker”).

Identity labels like these are useful, even necessary. They shape the way we act and feel (and the way people act and feel toward us) in every situation, from taking the bus to taking a lover. But many labels are misleading, and none can fully describe the multifaceted reality that is a human being. Moreover, any external criteria we use to label ourselves—looks, power, health, relationships, anything—can disappear in a heartbeat. So really, the only way to avoid a lot of insecurity, fear, and suffering is to learn how to wear our identities lightly and let go of them easily.

How To Let Go
Step 1: Be still.
The process of releasing your labels without losing yourself begins in stillness. If we hold still long enough, we begin to feel what we really feel and to know what we really know—a prospect so terrifying that some people bolt rather than face it.

Step 2: Become the experience-er, not the experience.
All great wisdom traditions point to the knowledge that the essence of our true selves is not any fixed label but the capacity to experience.

Step 3: Practice truth in labeling.
Our belief in labels, not the labels themselves, is what gives them the power to influence our behavior. Knowing how to let go of any given identity without losing our essential selves yields a security we’ll never get from fame, power, money, beauty, or any other personality prop.

By stilling our bodies and minds, becoming the One Who Experiences, and playing with labels the way we might play with costumes, we can remain ourselves no matter what happens: loss or gain, pain or pleasure, fame or disrepute.

Following the advice of Ms. Oprah Ms. Oprah’s hired staff, I sat, experienced and labeled.

I realize that I perhaps need to put more than 20 minutes into this excersice, but the result I came up with to the question “Who am I?” was this:

A sore ass, a hang-over and little bits of tape with words like “loser”, “fat” and “fugly” covering me.