I’ve been trying to eat healthier lately, get more rest, and generally surround myself with upbeat and happy people. I think its starting to pay off. My mood has improved and I’m just swimming in my 38″ jeans. Swimming, I say!

I’ve read all about the South Beach diet craze that has helped many people lose a good amount of weight, but I can’t follow a prescribed anything, let alone a diet. I mean, I went to the Doctor over a week ago because I’ve been languishing with this cold and cough that just won’t seem to disperse. (check out all these big words). He prescribed some antibiotics that I was instructed to take twice a day, once at breakfast and once again at dinner time. For some reason, I kept missing the dinner time dose, so I’m basically taking 10 days worth of medication and stretching it out into close to 14 days.

So instead of attempting a diet that I can’t follow or stick to, I’ve decided to become a racist. Well, a food racist at least. No More Whiteys. I’ve cut all white colored items out of my diet with the exception of milk, cheese and the whipped cream in my Starbucks Mocha Frappachinos. It also occurred to me to perhaps add some new colors to my diet. I’ve chosen to add the colors Green and Orange.

I’ve been on this diet for about a week and it seems to be working. Its completely un-scientific, so if you’re thinking of trying it, consult a doctor before any heavy lifting or strenuous physical activity. The only problem with this diet is that I’ve been, (how shall I say this delicately?) a little less than regular. I won’t go into details. Let it suffice to say that I’ve had my roommate close to calling 911 several times over the last week thinking that I was dying from the sounds emanating from the bathroom.

My solution?

See Homer? The lengths I’ll go, to improve myself in order to be worthy of your love.

Bye the way, if this works, look for the accompanying diet and cook book in your grocer’s freezer section. I just have to figure out how to make a concept of Do not eat white! take up 350 pages.