I haven’t been in the mood to write anything for the past several days. I’m not sure what has caused it, but it’s become worrisome. I usually enjoy writing, whether its to clear my head of something, to pass on something funny that happened to me or someone I know, or hell, even if its just to bitch. But this past week, nothing, nada, zilch.
I’ve been a bit out of sorts since I turned 29 for the 7th time and I’m getting worried. Normally, I would drink myself to oblivion before, during and after a birthday and then shake it off and go about my days. This time, I can’t seem to do that. I can’t seem to get out of my head long enough to catch a breath let alone shake things off.
The questions have piled up, the answers are lost, and my path to finding them is muddied. (And those that know me know how much I hate to get dirty).
So maybe if I pose the questions, it will get them out there for the universe to send me answers.
Here ya go Universe, answer these.
Why am I not the famous, multi-billionaire actor that I imagined myself when I was 10?
Why are all of my friends 2,000 miles away when I really need them?
Why does Stella have to shed so much?
Why do I feel trapped in my own skin?
Why have I not been able to shed the restrictions of childhood?
Why did I listen to so many sad love songs when I was a teenager?
Why is half of my music collection sad and the other half disco?
Where did my childhood wonder go?
Why can’t I follow thru on anything?
Why haven’t I drafted the “102 things about me list” yet?
Why do I spend so much time alone?
Where are my friends in Chicago?
Why is government cheese so tasty?
How have I managed to accumulate this much STUFF?
Who’s coming to my yard sale Saturday?
When will I focus on doing something productive with myself?
Why haven’t I mailed the gift to Married Well and his husband?
How do you stop obsessing about being neurotic?
How do you build self-confidence and self worth?
Why are we so cruel to ourselves yet forgiving of others?
Why does the Shrub™ hate children?
Why can’t I save money?
Where have all the heroes gone?
Who is to blame for the “tie belts” coming back into fashion?
Is this what it means to be old? When things you wore in high school are popular again?
Why didn’t I save my parachute pants?
Why am I sitting here writing when I should be doing something outside in the beautiful weather?
Why do I always feel on the verge of tears?
Why am I so damn angry, yet afraid to show it?
How do you stop the world long enough to catch up?
And last…
Why do I have to wake up alone every day?
