I’ve been thinking about friendship a lot lately, about my friends, and about what exactly defines a true friendship.

My trip to Canada brought up many issues for me, ones that I’m thankful to be made aware of, but issues nonetheless. AP and I have an interesting friendship. I thoroughly enjoy knowing him, but I must be honest there are times that he’s frustrating, annoying and needy. (and I’m sure the same could be said of me) Yet, for some reason, those very qualities make me love him more. It shows me that he is human, that he is imperfect, and that he is ever evolving. I’ve often wondered why, with all that we’ve been thru in the past 3 years, we’re still friends. I haven’t been able to put my finger on it, but there is something beautiful and awe inspiring about knowing him that refills my spirit and keeps me coming back for more. I wish I could put a word on what he means to me, but there are so many things, good and bad, both uplifting and sad, a true paradox and a complex person that I enjoy getting to know.

So I know that AP is a friend, but how do I know that he is a good, true friend? How do people transform from the level of acquaintance to friend? Is there a point in time and space where it is decided?

When I was little, it was so much easier to establish friendships and develop relationships. All I had to do was walk up to a girl (I WAS a little gay boy after all) and ask her to be my friend and if she didn’t find me repulsive or offensive the answer would be “sure” and we’d go off and play on the swing set or some other childhood activity. As I grew up, it got much more difficult, almost to the point of implausibility. As a 36-year-old gay man, I can’t exactly walk up to someone and ask him or her if they’d be my friend. They’d think I was a nut job, or worse, a needy fag.

But is it so wrong to be a needy fag? Everyone needs interaction of some sort. To be loved, to be reflected in society, to be held accountable for their actions and called on their shit when they can’t see it on their own.

And this is the point that has me the most intrigued. Would TLBO, AP and Married Well be as close to me as they are, if they never called me on my shit? Would I still have as much love for TL as I do if he didn’t call me on my shit, and then forgive me?

Can you be a friend to another person and never be entirely authentic with them?