I’ve realized that you people, my beloved tens of readers, have slowly stopped visiting BeyondBuffalo.com. This pains me. So I sat around my lovely apartment all of last week pondering what to do to gain back your love, to renew your adoration for my words and life tales. This calls for rash action on my part. Something needs to happen to regain your love. Ever the “pleaser”, I’ve taken it upon myself to solve this problem. Here are some of my thoughts (so far). Feel free to share which solution you would like to see.

I thought about offering an array of wonderful parting gifts for each person that took the time to visit me and read about my life (such as it is). I decided against this due to the trouble of finding corporations stupid gullible enough to donate gifts/services towards my worthy cause. Besides I couldn’t figure out who actually makes Rice-a-Roni.

I thought about perhaps promising to compromise myself for my art and sleep visit with each of you and buy you a coffee with the funds available to me on my Starbucks Card. I was forced to disregard this option due to the fact that my Starbucks Card currently has $0.53 available which, truth be told, I would rather use towards my own morning cup of coffee.

For one brief moment, I considered renting out Richard Branson’s private island and whisking all my readers off for a week of pampered luxury in the Caribbean paradise. Unfortunately, Mr. Branson’s private island is booked up thru the end of the year. (I checked)

So what do I do?

Perhaps, just perhaps, I should return to my core concept and maybe entertain you once again. Come up with some witty, alternative view of my world (and yours, we all share this planet Mr. Shrub. There’s no reason to be so selfish.)

I believe my solution will be to add more descriptive adjectives and adverbs into my writing style. I’ll take a page from Ms. Sandra Bernhard and describe everything to its most unlikely and absurdly minute detail. You’ll know all about the color, the smell, the brand, and the taste of everything I encounter. For you, my dear readers, I’ll lick everything I come into contact with. I love you that much.

I must warn you that I’m slightly color blind, so my descriptions of color may be a tad bit off. Oh and my medicine gives me horrible dry mouth, so the taste will be ever so slightly skewed as well. I should probably also point out that I have horrible allergies which effect my sense of smell thus rendering all scents a tad bit off.

I promise, however, to do my best to share with you the true senses of my life. For you, my readers, I’ll do this.

I Need Love you that much!