What a weekend!

I went camping with Crazy Michael (CM) to a little les-bi-trans-gay-sexual (R)camp ground in the wilds of Western Michigan called Campit. I refuse to go into the sordid little details of what transpired in the woods after the sun had set and the drag queens had completed their performances. Let’s just say that the wilds of Michigan are indeed wild.

While on the 2+ hour drive, CM and I took to developing new airlines specifically for the les-bi-trans-gay-sexual traveling public. It all began when we passed a sign in beautiful Gary, IN advertising $99.00 round trip to Las Vegas aboard HOOTERS AIR. Our extrapolation to the most absurd degree is what follows:

BONDAGE AIR
Amenities aboard our fleet of 4 luxurious Jumbo jets painted in flesh colors, with a simulated black leather harness surrounding the fuselage and the leather colors proudly waving on the tail are extensive. We offer two classes of service, Rubber class and Leather class with our Flight Slaves, Dominatrix and Masters in coordinating thongs to serve you. Our leather/rubber upholstered seats come with wrist and full body restraints. We are proud to offer Budweiser products served in cans and our complimentary ball-gags for the slaves traveling with us. Our in-flight entertainment includes vintage porn and Golden Girls reruns.

For flights over 2 hours, we invite you to visit the world’s only in-flight dungeon, complete with St Andrew’s cross, bi-level glory hole room and sex maze.

We hope your flight is painful and we look forward to whipping you again.

BEAR AIR
Bear air is proud to offer our guests extra wide seats and center aisles. You’ll appreciate that extra room as you return from our non-stop in-flight buffet served on paper plates, to your flannel upholstered seats and complimentary teddy bear pillows. Red-Eye flights will enjoy a non-stop pizza buffet. For your in-flight entertainment, Bear Air signed an exclusive deal with the Sci-Fi Channel to re-broadcast all of your favorite series while show tunes and country music is available on your personal headsets. (Available for a nominal $5.00 fee)

TWINK X-PRESS
Twink X-press exists to shuttle our circuit boy clients to/from all the world’s best parties. You’ll enjoy our high energy music and light show as you settle into your seats for your flight to Hotlanta, San Francisco, Ibiza and the grandest of them all, the White Party in Palm Springs. The entertainment doesn’t stop there. Twink X-Press provides all of our party boys with an unlimited supply of bottled water and orange halves. Our unique seats offer mirrored tray tables and include the latest cuts from the best DJ’s the world has to offer.
Don’t forget to visit our in-flight pharmacy and our “Boy Boutique” for the latest and greatest in party pills and fashion on the upper deck. You don’t need to worry about a thing with Twink X-Press; we’ve got you covered with complimentary sarongs and on-board EMT’s should any of your drugs not mix well.