I’ve never been able to make decisions very easily. Any kind of decisions, large or small will often leave me reeling and unsure. For instance, the other night I needed comfort food. As TLBO can testify, I have a set standard for comfort food that was established one night many, many years ago when returning from a night dancing at the clubs, completely high off my ass. This standard consists of:

1 Tombstone Pizza (pepperoni and sausage, sprinkled with Italian Herb seasonings before cooking)
1 box of Wheat Thins
1 packet of Hidden Valley Ranch Party Dip Mix
1 carton of sour cream

After the pizza is thrown into the oven, I mix up the dip/sour cream combination and settle in front of the TV with the Wheat Thins, dipping away happily while waiting for the main course.

So the other night, I headed to the store for my standard, when I was required to make a decision. There was a sale on both the Tombstone pizzas AND Tontino’s Pizza Rolls. What to do? Who to call? How do I make this choice?

I picked up my new Motorola Razr cellular phone and dialed the only person capably of helping. Yes, TLBO. His suggestion to get both was not very helpful.

In the end, after pacing the frozen foods aisle for many minutes, I chose the Tontino’s Pizza rolls. It seems the small pastry pouches of golden goodness were too tempting to pass up. I’m sorry Tombstone.

Today, I was faced with a much more grave choice to make. Do I discard my pornography, or pack it up for the move? I’m a big fan of written porn. Over my time here in Chicago, I’ve accumulated a good supply of downloaded porn stories and books. Do I take all of this with me? Do I toss it into the trash like some unwanted gadget after all the entertaining moments I’ve shared with it on dark nights?

I chose the best of both. I sat here at my desk, like an Anderson Accounting agent working on the Enron account, shredding all of it for a good hour. I figure, if it is good enough to protect me, it is good enough to protect my glassware and breakables.

But I stand by my original statement. Decisions are hard. Just like math.