I’ve been concerned of late about the strangely absent occurrences of celebrity dream sequences my fertile sleep-fueled brain once provided. Absent are the dreams of coffee and hand-cuffs with Edie Falco, and missing are the dreams of late night phone calls with the washed up, yet strangely still popular, Madonna. I’ve worried that my celebrities have forsaken me for greener pastures, or for a younger, more in-touch personality with a wider audience.

Alas, Tuesday night, I was once again visited in my sleep by a celebrity, calming my fears of rejection by the fame-set. Though the star was not of a caliber to which I had once enjoyed, I welcomed his visit none-the-less as a sign of goodwill from my legion of career cautious celebrities.

David Duchovney was the star of this particular dream, and though the specifics of the dream were lost to me in the waking hours, (perhaps because of the naked man cuddled up next to me that morning) I do remember bits and pieces of it.

He gave me a car. Not just any car, but a ridiculously small, overpriced, American manufacturer-trying-to-be-European car. Sadly, he gave me a Chrysler Crossfire. I once sat in a Crossfire at the Auto Show by folding my 6’5” frame into an origami sculpture small enough to fit into the tight driver’s seat. Once seated, I proceeded to unfold into this space and needed 3 people to assist with my exit from the car. Granted, the styling is sexy, in a sadly Mercedes-copy kind of way but for the price-tag, I would expect they would want to appeal to a broader market by making a car large enough for people of a non-Leprechaun nature to enjoy it.

Upon seeing this most thoughtful, yet strangely thought-less gift, I proceeded to barrage Mr. Duchoveny with a diatribe filled with words I will not repeat here. I awoke with the thoughts and memories of a free car given with love by my celebrity minions to the sweaty heat of the naked man lying next to me.

Thank you David for your kind gift, but I’m afraid a car that is too small for me will not compete with what was laying next to me in my conscious world.