I have questions… someone better have answers for these…
Why do straight women, when they’re shopping, walk four abreast oblivious to the fact that I’m walking behind them, in a hurry with an urgent need to pee? Do they not understand the concept of walking two abreast? Why do they hate me?
Where do the homeless people get the ice cubes to keep their beer cold on a hot summer day?
Why do all of our government press sessions feel like love fests? The audiences cannot truly believe the lies being told. Are they paid actors? Do they get scale or do they get a higher salary due to filming under fire? If they are paid actors, can I get signed up for that?
Why does the tomato only squirt out of the sandwich when you’re wearing a white shirt?
Am I rude if I ignore a homeless person complimenting my flawlessly styled outfit and uber-stylish tie?
As of lunch today, I’ve eaten cost free the last four meals in a row, who will make it five? Will i need to pony up for the next meal?
Is there a number I can call to check on my Karma balance? I really would like to know how close I am to switching back into the positive section, or if I’m really that far into the payback-is-a-bitch section.
If I could guarantee winning a raffle by buying a certain dollar amount of tickets and it was still a huge amount less than the cost of the prize, and nobody would know or get in trouble, but the fundraiser still met their goals would it be wrong? If not, does anyone here control a raffle giving away, oh lets say, a shiny convertible?
Why is it that when you say “no thanks I just need to pee” to a saleswoman at Nordstrom, she somehow manages to convince you into purchasing a super-cute Ben Sherman dress shirt, specially tailored to make you look flawless around the midsection and a wildly handsome tie to round off the look?
