a quote for the ages
Last night the Republican and I had dinner with a certain friend of mine. When we sat down, the waitron came by to take our drink order. Said friend ordered a “kiddie cocktail” which left a bemused look on the Republican’s face.
Noticing the look, said friend responded off the cuff “Wine makes me slutty”
September 28, 2006
oooops
You never know what you’re going to run into when you’re making telephone calls on new prospective accounts. This morning, I encountered a first for me in 10 years of doing this sort of work. About 2 years ago, I was given a contact for a major corporation here in the Chicago area. My company does work with one of their outer offices and my contact was trying to help me get in the door. Somehow, I neglected to call on this account at that time and the name recently turned up again as I was looking to expand into some new prospects.
This morning, I called to follow up on some literature I mailed to the contact and was informed by the receptionist that the contact I had called about was “deceased”. I was shocked, at first, until I realized that I needed to say something for fear of ruining this opportunity. A deceased contact means that there is a new person in there handling the same decisions and what a perfect opportunity to get in the door. After I recovered enough from the shock of the “deceased” bomb I went right back into the nature of the call and asked for the new contact in that position.
She gave me the new name and forwarded me to her voicemail. I hung up without leaving a message. How do I explain to her that I mailed literature to her deceased predecessor without looking like a complete tool?
September 27, 2006
wednesday Wank
Two Wanks and a puppy
Thanks to Tom for the photo
September 25, 2006
Look away - I’m hideous
I’m a bit embarrassed this morning. Last night, after a relaxing evening I took a nice hot shower before crawling between the crisp clean sheets on my freshly made bed. After my shower, I thought it would be a perfect time to groom my hippie-like appearance and took out my clippers setting to work on trimming my neck line, my sideburns and my Andy Rooney-esque eye brows. The clippers made short work of my sideburns and my neck line but when I got to my eye brow the guard popped off mid-swipe removing a large swath of hair leaving a portion of my brow with a stubble usually reserved for my scalp.
I pulled out my thick-rimmed glasses this morning and have now taken to wearing them to obstruct any observance of my unsightly hairless brow.
September 24, 2006
moments of clarity - brought to you by wine
I wish the level of mental clarity the morning after imbibing a bottle of Merlot were as crisp as if it were half way through the bottle. Saturday night, I spent the evening sitting, lotus style, on the floor in front of my television, sipping from a $3 bottle of Charles Shaw Merlot I picked up from Trader Joes a few weeks ago. On the television, a Family Guy DVD marathon had been running since about 5pm when I returned home from a purchase-less shopping spree with Tom.
I’ve been deep in thought for some time now about my life and my place in the world because there have been some glaring indications that my life is going in the wrong direction. For instance, in the realm of friendships I’ve always thought that I was extremely lucky. I’ve always thought that I had a core group of friends that I could always count on if I needed them and for the most part, I do. However the bulk of my friends reside outside of Chicago and those that do live in Chicago recently demonstrated quite clearly where I rank in their world.
A few days ago I was talking to my sister about the possibility of flying home to visit with the family for the weekend. My grandmother was visiting Buffalo and since I haven’t spent any time with her in several years and she was going to be in town, I thought it would be nice to fly into Buffalo for the day and have lunch with her and the family. I ended up canceling the trip because of a few reasons, but mainly because I had nobody to watch Stella, and we all know that this dog is way too spoiled to go to a kennel.
So, here I sat, all weekend writing, watching the family guy DVD’s and thinking about life, love, work, money, the future and the past, my phones, both mobile and house sitting on the coffee table beside my laptop. Those that called were from out of town checking in with me, telling me about their lives and their day to day. Tom called me, and TLBO phoned several times. The Republican and Padre called as well.
I don’t mean for this to sound like a downer, because it is not meant to be. It was eye-opening in a lot of ways. I took the time to think about how I affect those around me, my part in why my phone doesn’t ring and some things to which I need to give more thought.
Iced tea was drunk. Epiphanies appeared. Ideas were written to be followed up on.
The reality of the situation told me the path I’m following is not the right path for me.
September 20, 2006
wednesday wank
This is another picture I found of Mr Wednesday Wank from Sept 6th.
September 18, 2006
an ode to my belly
I was sitting here this afternoon, humped over my computer desk working my little ass off when it hit me that I was leaning on my fat belly, for all intensive purposes, said belly was supporting my upper body. I started thinking about how much my belly means to me. My belly currently holds up my pants. My belly makes it easier to eat while sitting on the couch because I can rest my plate on my belly and it won’t fall. My belly makes it easier to hunch forward because it catches me before I tumble too far forward. My belly gives the thin waif-ish homosexuals something to scorn and point at while making disparaging remarks. My belly can often provide shade to the smaller animals in the forest and on the prairies. My belly lets me know when it needs more food.
I love my belly.
Whatever shall I do when it goes away?
September 17, 2006
I’m a winner.
A surprise arrived in my mailbox yesterday. You can imagine my surprise when I received the following notification:\
Dear Wade
You are an official prizewinner in our NEW MERCEDES, BMW, PORSCHE or $40,000 CASH promotion. We have been unable to contact you, therefore, in compliance with the program regulations, this notice is being forwarded to your attention.
We are holding your choice of a luxury 4-day Royal Caribbean Cruise for two with meals and entertainment included, value $1,398 or pre-paid round trip airfare and two nights accommodations for two to your choice of Las Vegas/Orlando, value $1,250, plus one of the four guaranteed prizes: a new MERCEDES BENZ M-Class, BMW X5, PORSCHE Cayenne or $40,000 CASH, a $1,500 Shopping Spree, Exotic Island Adventure, $806 value or $500 Cash. To avoid forfeiting your status as a recipient please call toll free at 1-888-587-7534 WITHIN 72 HOURS, M-F 9:00am until 8:00pm and Sat. 9:00am until 6:00pm CST and arrange for a time for you and your spouse to visit and claiming your prizes. There is no obligation to purchase anything. You are guaranteed to receive your prize and gift immediately, in accordance with the requirements of your confirmation letter, which will contain the official rules.
Sincerely,
Susan Murray
Awards Director
Silverleaf Resorts, Inc.THIS ADVERTISING MATERIAL IS BEING USED FOR THE PURPOSE OF SOLICITING THE SALE OF TIMESHARE INTERESTS
I can’t wait to call them and arrange to pick up my new car, I think I’ll go with the Porsche.
In other news,
I’m signed up to participate in some market research Monday night. The topic is domestic light beer and the compensation for an hour of my time is $75 cash. Wouldn’t it be great if I got to taste as well?