full circle risks
I have so many invitations for travel on my schedule and no money or time to accept any of them. I want to visit my friends, to reconnect with them and spend time laughing and frolicking in the California sun, the Arizona desert, the foreign wilds of Canada, the industrial centers of Germany, among the sky scrapers of New York, and wandering the birthplace of America’s riotous past in Boston, not to mention the hallowed halls of our government center, D.C.
I’m lucky that my friends have been patient with me these last two years while I’ve allowed Blanco the Mommy Wagon to slowly drain all of my money away in repair bills preventing me from traveling in the manner to which I was once used to traveling.
To kick off my newfound financial stability I’m taking my first real trip since my weekend in Boston with Sluggo. I’m going to take most of Thanksgiving week off and drive home, trusty bitch Stella at my side, to just beyond Buffalo to spend some time with my family. It’ll be the first road trip in El Negro® and I’m rather looking forward to this.
I often joke, when people ask what originally took me to California, that I ran out of land trying to get as far away from my hometown as possible, briefly considered jumping a plane to Japan and teaching English, while ultimately deciding against it because I’m too tall for their culture and architecture; but the truth is, even though I am embarrassed with the direction this country has taken in the last 6 years (or 25 years if you consider Ronald Reagan) I didn’t want to leave my homeland. The joke does have some teeth to it, in that I was trying to distance myself from my family at that time of my life. I was trying to understand this obsession I had with sucking dick, the romantic notions I had about living with and loving men and my distaste for anything sports related. I couldn’t do this inner exploration with the people that were influencing me because they didn’t understand, and I was unable to verbalize the damage their words and actions were doing to me.
In making the shift to the West Coast, I came into my own, I stumbled a great deal, and I met some amazing people and had some amazing experiences. I was lucky in that I fell into an environment that was nurturing (for the most part) and people cared about me and took on the challenge of guiding me along my path of personal growth. Nudging me when I needed nudging and pulling the ladder out from under me when my head was too far up in the clouds (though in reality I could have just been really really high).
Life takes risks. I’ve taken some large risks in my life but lately, I’ve found that I’ve grown weary of the fallout from those risks and have stopped striving and risking. There was a time that the world was wild and exciting and I couldn’t wait to get out into that beautiful world and experience all that it could offer. I’m hoping, that by going home for a week, (the longest visit since I moved away 18 years ago) that I can reboot, recharge, reconnect and be driven once again, away from that small town and the ideology that pushed me into dreaming about the world and all the wonders it could deliver.
October 29, 2006
censorship
Someone with an I.P. address located in Chicago has a habit of leaving comments on my site anonymously. While I enjoy comments and feedback, this particular person is usually less than pleasant with their chose of words, and I have a feeling that is exactly their point. So starting now… I’ve decided that if it’s good enough for the federal government, it’s good enough for me and I am going to be erasing all comments posted anonymously. Good or Bad.
I share a fair amount of emotions on this blog, which in its own right is revolutionary to me considering I don’t share emotions in person, so for someone to leave nasty little comments anonymously is rather cowardly. If you don’t like my writing or me why do you keep coming back? Is your life so perfect and are your thoughts so much more intellectual than mine, then why do you have the need to belittle? Something must be lacking. Look within. Fix within.
So bring on the nasty little comments. I don’t mind them. Leave your name, let me know who you are and they’ll stay, otherwise… well. I’ve written enough on this topic.
October 27, 2006
Friday
I feel shallow, petty and trite today. I was sick yesterday.
Sick I tell you!
Apparently, I am no longer allowed to dine at that restaurant ever again. This is the second time I’ve had such a reaction from their food. I’m not saying who, what or where, for fear of retribution, but alas, I shall never eat their meals again.
Let me tell you, when the digestion process causes one to cry and beg for death, there might be something to learn from that. I seriously considered calling 911 for medical assistance. A really good belch prevented me.
But why am I shallow, petty and trite today?
The neighbor I spoke of yesterday, is still up to his antics, and never being able to leave such antics alone I enticed the driver parked in front of this spot to kindly move his vehicle back 2 feet to prevent the jockeying from happening today. This will force the boy to spend all day long ensuring he has two spots for his beloved.
I wish I could sit and watch his frantic searching… alas, there is work to be done.
October 26, 2006
Thursday Thought
I have neighbors, in this very building, that annoy the living hell out of me. No, not the neighbor downstairs. She and I have come to an understanding. We’re good. She realized that I’m childish and self-centered, and I realized pretty much the same thing.
No, the neighbors I’m talking about this time are new to the building, and I think, new to an urban neighborhood in general. They have the strangest and most annoying habits. The building has an intercom system that doesn’t exactly work. You know, no buzzer sound, no interactive-ness, that sort of thing. The inhabitants of the building, over the years, have given up on the concept of a locked outer front door, until these people moved into the building. Now there is a sort of turf-war of wills happening.
They lock the outer front door every time they pass through and everyone else in the building unlocks it. This little battle become annoying on weekends, when you stumble home from the bar at 3am to find the front door locked and you with only keys to your apartment and not the building. The new neighbors on my floor haven’t received keys to the front door, so often they will stand outside and yell or ring what few buzzers do work until someone will wake up and let them in. Management isn’t the most responsive here.
But what annoys me the most about the people from rural America, is their belief in saving parking spaces on the street. Parking sucks as it is in this neighborhood; without the nelly little queen (my assumption) constantly jockeying his little red civic about ensuring that he is in the middle of space for two cars so that his roommate will have a spot when arriving home. I’ve seen him relocate his car more than 4 times in one evening in his efforts to secure parking for his roommate. How tedious. I wouldn’t do that for someone that I was madly, head over heels in love with. Sorry baby, I love you, but I don’t love anybody that much.
I’m hoping this infatuation will pass, but given that its been going on for over 2 months, I doubt it.
*please note, photo is not me pulling my hippie length golden locks out, but rather an annonymous photo I stole from the internets when I did “the Google” search
October 25, 2006
wednesday wank
Today’s Wank is a personal favorite. I met today’s wank on my trip to Vanccouver last summer and to this day I am still enthralled with his charm. (he’s also very easy on the eyes.)
October 20, 2006
Note to self…
Three 10 ounce martinis on a school night will leave you hunched over the toilet at 10:00pm trying to undo the damage so you can get some sleep and make it to work the next day.
File that one away someplace. This could be an important note to self…
Somebody please call a doctor… This doctor would work nicely.
October 19, 2006
Thursday Thought
Why do people driving SUVs slow down, almost to a complete stop, to go over railroad tracks or pavement edges caused by road construction?
Don’t they realize their vehicles were supposedly built for rough surfaces?
