spring is here
Spring is officially here. How do I know this? Is it because I spotted a Robin this morning while I was walking into an appointment? No. Is it because the calendar is about to be turned into yet another month? No. Is it because the bulbs are pushing through the soil and climbing towards the sun, or the trees are beginning to bud and come back to life? No.
Stella has started shedding. This is what came off her one back leg while she was sleeping next to me on the floor.
This was left after she moved to a different corner of the rug. No brushing, just laying down.
Aaaahhhh Spring.
The human cost?
March 28, 2007
WTF?
UN calls for mass circumcision of men to tackle Aids epidemics
Can someone explain this to me like i’m an idiot? How is the lack of forskin going to prevent the spread of a virus? Anybody? Anybody?
aaaah friends…
I must admit that I’ve surrounded myself with some very interesting and creative people over the years. This morning, I received the below e-mail from Tom:
You’re going to love this one.
I woke up this morning, and thought “hmm - smells like someone is painting upstairs.” Very strong fumes. I got out of bed, and the fumes were stronger in the entrance hall. I got the paper and went back into bed. Read the paper, and still kept getting whiffs of paint fumes. Eventually, I went in to take a shower, and the fumes were stronger in the bathroom. Then I thought “okay - that’s not paint.” Someone (and I think I know who) had hidden a bottle of poppers in the cabinet behind the bathroom door. The bottle had exploded. It had to have happened during the night, because I didn’t smell anything at midnight when I brushed my teeth. No wonder I was feeling the need to dance all morning. And now, several hours later, I still have a tiny headache and I’m feeling unusually horny.
In addition, my friends send me some pretty unsual text messages at all hours of the day and night. Currently I have the following still in my inbox:
TLBO: “I pray to Saint Dirk Yates.”
Sluggo: “You’re odd.”
Tom: “I’m tot crazy.”
Scott DC: “I want to get you a step-in.”
Sluggo: “Two words: double dickin’.”
I love my friends.
wednesday wank
March 25, 2007
weekend musings
What an amazing weekend. For those of you in the mid-west where we enjoyed record-breaking temperatures and sunny weather, I hope you enjoyed it, because they’re predicting snow next weekend. I, for one, took full advantage of the warm weather to get outside and spend some time with my bitch. We began our summer ritual on Sunday with a walk to Einstein’s Bagels for a sesame bagel (toasted with reduced fat plain cream cheese) then up the block to Starbucks for a medium coffee (I refuse to attempt or feed in to the language they’re trying to force onto the world). The whole city was outside this weekend prompting a flurry of impromptu social gatherings. Well, at least that’s what Stella and I sat and watched from our park bench, while enjoying the sunshine, the toasted bagel and the warm weather.
A few observations I made this weekend.
In a bold move that may perhaps be too soon, given its relatively recent fashion death, the ever-resilient sun visor is making a brave attempted comeback into the fashion arena. I believe the proper pairing with stained and shredded cargo pants, $2.99 flip-flops and a faux-vintage mass-produced graphic T may just give it the big break its been waiting for all these years. Or at least, that seems to be the thought process of the majority of males in Chicago. (Both straight and gay)
Earlier this afternoon while glancing nonchalantly at my reflection on the plate glass of a store front to check on my hair and clothing arrangement, I was stunned to realize that I was having one of, if not the best hair day in the past 3 months. No product. No combing. A little bit of sweat from the bicycle ride. The natural highlights brought out by my recent cut produced a visual that could only be described as the sun dancing off of my golden blond locks. It was stunning. I looked ruggedly handsome with my 3-day growth of stubble and my sweat glistening. “I’d fuck that,” I thought before realizing that people were starting to stare at my narcissistic moment and I quickly continued on my way.
Observation three. People are stupid. This has actually been gleamed from years and years of watching people drive, eat, talk, walk, live, etc. Upper-middle class couples with either 1 or 2 children should be locked onto an island and put through intensive instruction about how to be in public with their young ones. 
(I’m generalizing of course; some parents are amazing about keeping their children under control, out of the way and quiet) The double wide strollers you are pushing down the sidewalk that is barely wide enough for two to pass should not force me to the muddy ground to avoid being run down by the likes of you. You bought the damn thing; you pay the price getting muddy.
Get your self-obsessed head out of your ass, the rest of the world doesn’t want to deal with your child.
And last but definitely NOT least.
For those of you recovering from Religious persecution or with a wild and witty outlook on religion, I suggest you visit 
(click on the picture to visit their website) To check out some of their unique and useful products. For instance, the Baby Jesus Butt Plug, the Jackhammer Jesus personal dildo.
Happy Monday. Have a good one out there today.
March 21, 2007
wednesday wank
March 20, 2007
by the numbers… Banking in the information age
Let me begin by stating that I love, love, LOVE my Credit Union located in the Bay Area. I’ve been banking with them for going on ten years now. The only problem is the lack of ATM coverage in the Chicago metro area. I’ve mentioned before the limited scope of ATM coverage so I won’t go into it again. (Not to mention the ATM located in the new Macy*s causing me shopping sprees in unheard of manic stages) In addition to the lack of ATMs, there is the little fact of, what I consider illegal, ATM service charges tacked on to the withdrawal of my funds, that have added up to thousands of dollars in the years I’ve resided in Chicago.
This all combined into a less than desirable situation for my limited financial resources and prompted me to search for a local bank to handle some of my banking needs and allow me access to local ATMs without excess surcharges imposed.
Enter Chase bank. There is a Chase branch on literally every third corner in this city and an ATM at the entrance to every Walgreen’s (located on every second corner). I chose Chase because of this and because I could get truly free checking with no costs to me, save the cost of checks.
Happy to be free of the troublesome search for an ATM or the driving required to deposit my weekly paycheck, I dutifully visited the closest Chase branch on Sunday to deposit my paycheck. Now, when I deposit to my credit union, it always posts the following morning with the exception of weekends, when it posts first thing Monday morning, regardless of which day I deposited the check. You can imagine my surprise when I learned that Chase doesn’t have the same policy with regards to ATM deposits. No, Chase considers Monday to be the date of deposit and therefore fund will not post until the following day, Tuesday.
Ok, I learned a tough lesson; I’ll have to better budget my time/funds to allow for this (which is cutting into the convenience factor of opening a local account). Though this rather defeats the entire purpose of me opening a local account, the convenience of a local ATM network would make up for everything… right? Well, not exactly.
It seems that Chase has another little policy in place the requires all deposits in the first 30 days of a new account to be seized and held in limbo for up to but not exceeding 15 days from the date of deposit, which is, mind you, the day after the physical deposit.
Yes, you read that right. My weekly paycheck, I’ve been told will be available to me on the 27th instead of Tuesday the 20th as I assumed once I realized that it wouldn’t post on Monday like my little podunk credit union in the Bay Area. Incensed at the problems this would cause, I promptly marched down to my corner bank branch and spoke with a somewhat less than completely worthless teller to implore them to release the funds they were holding hostage. She proceeded to tell me they needed a copy of the check in order to manually force it through. The fact that they had the actual check seemed to be lost on her so I returned home to gather the pay stubs and the bank information from my boss only to return to the bank to be told by the same somewhat less than completely worthless teller that she would have to call the place where checks are sent and get a copy from them. “Why didn’t you do that to begin with?” ran through my head as I steeled myself from the anger welling inside. “Be nice,” I told myself, “you get more accomplished with a smile than a shout”
I’ve been assured that the funds will be released sometime today and that they’ll contact me once they’ve been released, But I’m already angry, frustrated and questioning the benefits of all of this. The service is nowhere near what I’ve been enjoying for years. Granted the convenience of ATMs everywhere with no fees is a bonus, but what good are they if I cannot actually access the funds I’ve deposited?
In addition, it irks me that I have to be overly grateful and pleasant just to convince somebody to do the job they’re paid for… who do they think they are?? Me?
So now I’m in limbo as to which direction to take. Do I stay with Chase and rearrange my entire banking habits and allow their less than helpful rules to cut into my access to funds? Or do I stay faithful to my credit union and deal with the fees imposed by the banks I’m forced to use to deposit and withdrawal my funds?
The funny thing about all this? After all this happened, I returned home and consulted my online register to check balance and noticed that my tax return funds had been posted to my credit union account today making the Chase situation less important and dire than it started out. I’ll not miss any payments like I originally thought.